Out of the Closet

No, not in that way! I mean that not only did I start this blog by outing my secret, I just posted on Facebook that I had started a new blog. Yikes! So now everyone will really know. Oh well...to be in recovery you can't be afraid of who you are. It's amazing though, people are genuinely supportive when you're honest...I don't give them enough credit. Maybe that's why I never told anyone for so long...I was afraid of being judged. I've found throughout this entire process that people are not that different from you...everyone has some issue their dealing with. It's nice to know you're not really that alone afterall.

Work has been absolutely crazy for the last week. I was so fed up with everything yesterday, that I honestly wanted to quit. Now I love my job, and have been here for almost four years, and never once have I even toyed with the idea of quitting. But yesterday was just the worst day I've had in Lord knows how long. First of all, I work on salary plus commission, but I haven't gotten a commission check in four months! That means I've been living off of my salary alone, which isn't much after taxes are factored in. I know, I know...lots of people manage to survive just fine on their salary, but when you've grown accustomed to a certain way of life, it's culture shock when that's taken away. Second of all, my bosses seem to think I have nothing to do, so they keep giving me these projects to work on. That would be great and all if I really had nothing to do...but I do. I have enough work to keep me busy throughout the entire day. Now I'm not super slammed where I can barely keep my head above water, but if I pace myself I can stay busy all day until it's time to go home. But now that I have all of these other things to do, I am going to be so busy to the point that I can barely keep up. I consider myself a very good/hard worker, and I always do my best at whatever task is at hand, but considering everything else that's going on in my life, I would much rather do without all the added stress. I'm just worried that I am going to be so overwhelmed that the urges to practive my ED are going to come back ten-fold. I've really done my best to alleviate any unnecessary stressors in my life, and so far I've suceeded. Until now. I am trying to remain positive, and have been praying for the patience needed to push through this difficult time. This morning I woke up with a good attitude and felt ready to take on the day. It's amazing to me the power of prayer. Please pray with me that I will continue to have a positive attitude each and every day.

Today's affirmation: "I control my own attitude"