Last night was great...

Jeremy showed up at my house with a bottle of wine and an orchid for me. He said he wanted to get me a plant that wouldn't die in the next couple of days, and the lady at the store said orchids were great house plants. It's absolutely beautiful. I've always loved orchids, but have never bought one because I was afraid I would kill it. I'm a little nervous about taking care of it because I tend to be a plant killer. So we'll see if I can keep this little guy alive for at least a week or two.

I was really nervous before he showed up, mainly because I haven't seen him in so long and I felt like I was going to need to impress him all over again. Silly, I know since he's the one that called me. But nonetheless I was worried that I didn't look good...and I felt insecure since I have put on a little bit of weight since we last saw each other. I must have changed clothes three or four times. I finally decided on a pair of grey pajama-like pants and a t-shirt because they were the least revealing and I knew I would be comfortable. He showed up in a suit (he had just come from work). Needless to say, I was just a bit underdressed. The whole night I kept thinking that he was looking at me and thinking 'wow, she's really gotten big since we dated'. I haven't, and I know that, but ED was in the back of my mind voicing his opinion loud and clear. I wanted to scream.

We talked for a couple of hours over a bottle of wine, and it was almost as if we had just met. Then we ate dinner (Mi Cocina...yum), and talked a little while longer. I finally couldn't stand it anymore and I just flat out asked him 'why are you here...why did you call me'. I know it was blunt, but I just had to know, and I felt like those questions were hanging in the air all night. He said that he has missed me and has thought about me alot over the last 18 months. He said that he wants to be in a relationship where someone compliments him and he them. That sounded great and all, but I was still a little resistant. I asked him what has changed since we dated, and how he feels he is different. His explanation was pretty legit, and I really felt like he was being sincere...but I'm still a little wary. It's weird...I honestly thought I would feel this overwhelming rush of emotion...like I would fall in love with him all over again. But I didn't. That's not to say that I didn't feel anything, but it just wasn't what I was expecting. I guess because I'm still not sure this is a good idea...I'm not sure if I have anything to offer him at this point in my life. I'm just overwhelmed with all these thoughts and feelings, and I'm not sure how to sort them out yet. But we have dinner plans on Saturday, so we'll see how that goes. I will say that he looked really good, and it didn't take long for me to remember how cute he was. So I'll keep you updated on everything and let you know how dinner goes this weekend.

Today's affirmation: "I am naturally beautiful when I am myself".